Living

I talk to my Dad now more than I ever did. We talk about a lot of stuff, but mostly about Mom. I know how much he still loves her and he says he prays for a miracle everyday. He says Mom has declined pretty sharply even in the past few weeks, and it has gotten harder and harder to engage her in anything. She spends most of her time in the rocking chair and counting out loud. He's even said there are times when she doesn't know who he is. But then, he says, she'll have moments where she's acutely aware of what's happening to her and she'll say to my Dad: "You know, I'm not going to be around much longer." And I know this breaks my Dad's heart; it breaks mine, too.

But then I have to think that we all live and die. It's one of the simplest facts of life. We can't avoid it. And I don't want to dwell on my Mom's eventual death. I want to focus on her life and what a great job she did of living it. I hope that I've been able to show that here. Mostly, I'm trying to feel grateful that I got a chance to know her and to love her. And, of course, I wish I got to spend more time with her - but now, I spend time with her here - on this silly little blog.

This time of seeing Mom decline has been difficult. But, I think it has forced me to gather all of these great memories of her that I would otherwise take for granted. And I still feel like there's so much more to share. The essence of my Mom may be gone, but my memories of her are plentiful. And I plan to keep sharing them.