Guilty Pleasures

Whenever Dad would leave for the weekend to go hunting, Mom would indulge in her two favorite guilty pleasures: romance novels and Cheetos. She’d curl up in the overstuffed chair in the living room and polish off the book and the bag of Cheetos in a weekend. If she ever lent the book to any of her friends, she’d have to explain the mysterious bright orange dust on the pages.

So, the other night I decided to channel Ma and I bought my own romance novel and bag of Cheetos. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home from work and I picked myself up the cheesiest looking romance novel I could find. Check it out.

Here’s the story:

Man and Woman meet.
From the moment they see each other they want to get into each others’ pants.
You have to wait until page 182 for them to do it.
The man gets stabbed and it interferes with their love-making, but they endure and are able to be gentle.
And something about happily ever after.

There are a LOT of great lines from this book. I actually highlighted a few of them. Some are maybe too racy, but let’s just say the words “throbbing” and “manhood” are used quite frequently. But, here’s my favorite line from the book:

“I want to make love to you until you can’t tell night from day, but the dangers of abandoning ourselves in each other are too great.”

Wow, ladies, huh? That line might be hard to top. And the best line I’ve ever heard?

“Would you like the Atari t-shirt on or off?”